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Sunday, May 1st, 2005
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9:34 pm - A post
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I had a baby :) 23rd of April (st georges day). He was 6 pound 3 and a half ounces. We called him Harry George. Unfortuantely he is in special care baby unit. We dont know whats wrong with him, he was born and his face and neck were covered in some kind of rash, looked like the whole of his skin had peeled off. They have no idea whats wrong, all tests are negative, wont let him home til it has cleared (which it is doing), or they no whats wrong, he is still on antibiotics and in an incubator. He now weighs 6 pound 11 ounces, guzzling his milk and really there is nothing wrong with him. I started losing my waters for a few days and didnt realise, they think it might be due to that. Birth story, went in at 2 cms, rushed to delivery suite for antibiotic IV (due to no membranes), 4 minutes later, midwife coming into room, screaming for me not to push as head was almost out and basically panicing because nothing was ready....4 minutes active labour...cant be bad. The easiest yet.
Quick overview of last few months...finally kicked my 16 year old out, was the hardest thing ever, he stayed with his friend over easter, then he had to move on, he is now staying with my friend (like a sister), I give her money and she looks after him..seems to be working so far. We had no hot water or heating for the past two weeks, landlord a prick, had Harry half way through this, finally got a new boiler last friday, when i came out of hospital. Got my eyes on another house, waiting for it to be ready, far too expensive for what it is, but i cant stand to be here, so fingers crossed.
Anyhows...stressed to fuck as per usual, enjoying a vodka (cuz i can), hating the fact im home and Harry isnt. jack at 15 months is a pain in the arse...loves to screech and scream when not getting own way, routine screwed, cuz greg has had him for a week...sure i will sort that out soon enough...blah blah blah.
Love and hugs and stuff
me x x x x
current mood:  indescribable
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| Sunday, November 14th, 2004
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9:37 pm
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I promised to post more, so here it is :) guess a week is better than 6 months :P
Not much has really been going on, had a midwife appointment, heard the bubs heartbeat, still convinced its a boy :). Wasnt too hot with the midwife, she kept going on about my "extra" padding, how I hadnt lost it since having jack *duh* I mean my body only had a 6 month break and what a 6 months that was, last thing on my mind was diet and exercise. But everything she did, she mentioned this "extra" padding, even when she listened to the heartbeat, I had to bite my lip when she kept asking me if I ate my greens etc, she wasnt miss slim herself andprolly hadnt had a kid in years (bad I know), but if i had an issue with my weight (which i dont), she could have caused a lot of damage :P
There was some sad news on CP, a member of staff died, really sad and stunning news, especially when all you hearis death these days or it seems more prominent, for one reason or another.
Managed to get jacks christmas gifts and clothes this week, least one of my kids is done, he was easy, shame Sean wants designer clothes and then some, for hundreds of pounds and adam wants PS2 games which amount to about the same. My kids always expect the earth and they tend to get it, this year is different and Im wondering how they are going to handle it. On another note, sean text his dad, and for once in his life he replied. Said he was gonna meet up with sean, next week or so, Its hard to say "dont hold your breath" to a kid (maybe its because he is going to be 16 at the end of the month), we will see if there will be an outcome.
Anyhows thats my promise fulfilled :)
will write more soon
x x x x
current mood:  accomplished
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, November 7th, 2004
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12:48 am - hello :)
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Where to start :)
Its been a long time and I suppose a lot has gone on. My brother is back home permantely since my mum died (as opposed to being in tenerife), he has come home, landed a job, house and car just like that, doing really well and getting close to his older daughter again, which is a good thing, Its all my mum wanted really, so some good has come out of it (oh and the fact she wanted us to be close, because we didnt get on etc etc,) so she didnt die in vein, shame she wasnt alive to see it though.
Sean, my eldest decided to get permantely excluded from school (his last year), has a golden opportunity in a training scheme, learning all kinds of construction, from brick laying to plumbing and plastering, he seems to get suspended all the time, he is 16 at the end of the month, finishes compulsory education end of June, then he is gonna have to stand on his own two feet. Adam on the other hand (who is 12), has gone from doing no main stream classes (end of year 7) to going back to school in year 8 and doing 21 out of his 25 classes there and then, no gradual intergration and only doing 4 pupil support lessons of extra english/math/science, with a 100% attendence record for his first term and a certificate of excellence, so doing really well. Still a hermit, stays in his room alot, but still a vast improvement.
Greg and adam seem to bicker a lot, I get stuck in the middle, sometimes its greg and sometimes it adam and when i say something, Im always in the wrong, so trying to learn to ignore, but not easy. Greg is still looking for a job and its getting him down (which doesnt help), christmas is coming and well Im sure you can imagine how Im feeling, I like everything sorted and I dont have a clue how Im going to do it this year.
Jack on the other hand is thriving. Almost 10 months old, crawling for about two months and gets quicker by the day, nothing is safe, not even the computer ( computer geek in the making, he even has his own keyboard). He is hard to keep entertained, but is a good baby and seems to love life and loves to eat us out of house and home. Oh to be so innocent *smiles* Watching him makes the bad times seem a whole lot better.
Now on to me. In the middle of august I found out I was pregnant again. It knocked me for six (I thought i was safe etc etc), anyhows Greg was pleased, but worried about my state of mind, I was stunned, what more can happen, two babies under 15 months, My mind set couldnt cope with making decisions, so "que sera, sera" came to mind. So here I am 15 weeks pregnant, wondering what my mum would think, if im right, she is probably laughing her ass off and grinning how it is going to be a girl and Im thinking, she only had 10 weeks with Jack, he will never know her and this one if it is a girl (which I doubt), how over the moon she would be (she has two grand daughters, but always wanted me to have a girl). I swore i wouldnt have any more kids, now Im gonna have two within 15 months, its a lot to take in. Its been such a roller coaster year for me and for the first time ever Im wishing in a new year, before it even gets here and the worse thing is, a new year doesnt change a damn thing, but I guess it cant get worse or feel as bad as this year has felt.
Ok so i done another long post :P sorry if its spammy.
I really need to use this more often, even to just gripe (you can always skip), it does make you feel a bit better, instead of bottling it all up.
Love you guys :) especially you Kat for being there and calling me, even though I should really call you a lot more.
me x x x
current mood:  contemplative
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| Tuesday, May 25th, 2004
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9:30 pm - remember me?
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Im around, just havent had the heart to face up to things.
I started the year with a birth, the following couple of months were stressful and tiring but rewarding too. Then the 30th of March, my mum died, suddenly in her sleep and she was only 56. What can i say? Not much. Im still sorting out her house (although it was rented), Im almost finished, but its been really hard. I finally ordered her plaque and rose bush for the plot she is in and her entry into the book of remembrance, Im just dreading closing the door of her bungalow for the last time, its hard to walk in now and see how bare it all is. It is even harder know that Jack is never going to know his Nanny Carol.
In the meantime, sean (my 15 year old) has decided he doesnt need to go to school and now I have a court case over my head and could go to prison (although doubtful, but let me be a drama queen), because the new laws here in england state its parental responsibility, even though he gets taken to school each day and I dont see him again til 3.30 and I call the school each and every day to check he is in. In my eyes if a parent doesnt send a kid to school or lets them truant at home or what ever they deserve what they get, but in a case like mine, i think the kid should be sent to a boot camp or something *shrugs*. A huge fight broke out between him and greg, because sean decided to scream at me and push me around, sean ended up getting a knife and I ended up calling the police, it was a nightmare. The knock on effect of death is so frightening. Adam who spent every weekend with my mum, doesnt mention her, hasnt grieved infront of anyone and is just carrying on with life, although hitting pubity and being cheeky and stuff in the meantime doesnt help.
Me? Im still waiting for it all to hit home, I was going to sort the house out and ending up getting drunk, I knew that couldnt go on, so went to the doctor and asked for some counselling or something. He says its a good job I went when i did, what with being post natal and losing my mum and the stress of the family, few months down the line and it would have been a lot harder to sort, so gave me happy pills, none addictive and after 7 days of being on them, Im still not sleeping, maybe a lot calmer, but still relatively numb.
I worry about Jack, Greg does almost everything for him, but he is still such a happy and laid back baby (when he aint screaming his lungs out with teething pains), I worry I might lose my bond with him, although i have started paying him a lot more attention lately and his face does light up when he sees me or hears my voice :), but still a bit worrying.
I had to get rid of my two dogs, they destroyed the house from top to bottom (because no one was ever home for about 3 weeks after my mums death. They would get locked in the kitchen and they some how managed to pull/push the whole door frame off and well i didnt think it was fair to leave them outside all day, so i thought best to give to a good home and grieve for them, while we were grieving already, I cried more for those dogs than I have for my mum so far, I just hope it was the right decision to make.
Im not going to appologise for this entry, I needed to get somethings written or out of my mind for a while.
But I will say, that I hope you are all doing well and I have tried to keep up with all your posts.
jane x x x
current mood: indescribable
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| Thursday, January 29th, 2004
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5:07 pm - gush gush gush
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wow..Jack got weighed today and he is now 7 pound 13 ounces.....thats a whole 1 pound and 5 ounces he has put on since birth 11 days ago....Isnt he just so good *grin*.
Sorry to go on..but to think i was never ever going to have more kids and convinced greg i was not maternal in any shape or form, I just cant get enough of Jack. The bond is so instant and i just look at him constantly, I just cant wait til he smiles and coo's and gurgles back at me. Infact, I cant believe what an impact he has on me. I remember now that i did feel the same or similar with sean and adam, not wanting them out of my sight and such when they were born, guess I just forgot what it was like to be dependant on totally and as they grow and become little people and then teenagers and want to look after themselves, you kinda feel redundant, maybe thats why i thought i wasnt maternal.......even though im totally besotted and think he is the best thing to happen to this family in a long time...I aint gonna go for any more...and if i get broody in a cpl years time i expect you lot to remind me otherwise.....but i finally realise I am a good mum and the ups and downs in life dont make you bad in any way. You just do what you have to, to make things easy for you and your family..shame a little bundle of joy can make you realise things like that......he is truely a precious gift....
current mood:  content
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, January 28th, 2004
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10:06 pm - Wow long time, no see, lots of catching up.
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Ok I havent dissapeared from the face of the earth. Since i last did an entry which seems like a life time ago, I have moved house, done christmas and new year and had a baby :).
Jack was born on the 18th of January 2004 at 1.35 am. Without going through all the squeamish bits of the "birth story", the labour was really quick but terrifying. stage two of active labour was like 10 minutes. But i was losing a lot of blood and jacks heartbeat was going down. When the midwife examined me 1.05 i was 5 cms dialated, they called for the doctor and 5 minutes later i was examined again and was 9 to 10 cms, so couldnt be moved and a threatened c section was being discussed, but i was too quick for them and by 1.20 i was pushing and by 1.30 he was out, thrown on my tummy then taken away for oxygen and a check over and by 1.35 it was all over, so although easy (and very stoned on the gas and air, gotta love that stuff), Im never ever going through it again, too scary for my liking. He weighed in at 6 pound and 8 ounces and is really well. He is almost 2 weeks old now and it seems like he has always been around. I took a cpl of pics on the digicam yesterday, i have got some pics on cd, but well the quality isnt as good, but if you wanna peek they are at http://uk.f1.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/summer69_uk/my_photos.
He is spoilt and the boys and greg all adore him and dont leave him alone. Tina sent him a huge package full of stuff that will last til he is at least 20 and a gorgeous bib that was cross-stitched by Kat. I just know he is going to be one spoilt kid.
As for everything, Im doing pretty well, Jack is being a good baby, only really fusses when hungry and screams when being washed and changed..but he is a boy. Lots of bickering between the boys and greg and i told them if it dont stop im gonna pack me and jack up for a cpl of nights and lock them in the house to sort it, that seems to have done the trick for a while anyhows.
Ok I suppose i should leave it there and I am going to try and update this on a regular basis and hopefully not full of gushes about Jack ;)
take cares ppl and love ya and thank you all for gifts and cards and well wishes etc etc, its suprising how many friends you do actually accumalate and beddie I read your LJ, it was a lovely suprise to see you have sent a card and pressie and congrats on being a uncle, i bet you will be the best in the world *smooch*
current mood: accomplished
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| Saturday, October 25th, 2003
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12:08 pm - update
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Wow its been a long time, I guess im no good at keeping a journal, or writing constantly about my life, Im kind of a private person and rarely let my emotions show to other people and when I do, sometimes I quick to regret it. I havent really been around much lately and feel so out of the loop of things, but my concentration span is like zero at the moment and sitting infront of a pc screen doesnt do that much for me, im really out of sorts with myself and I cant shake it. I havent been well (yet again), Im finding this pregnancy really hard to cope with, probably more on the emotional side, More and more people are getting excited about the birth and such and Im like "so what?" kinda attitude. I suppose it doesnt help being tired and such and the whole house needs painting and decorating before the impending birth and Greg, he just seems to be working constantly, he was working til 2.30am the other night and has gone in today (saturday), and I really dont see it being done in time.
This week, my friend had to go to Australia, to her brothers funeral, so im minding her 14 year old son (who has a few problems), my chest infection and a really bad cold came back and the dogs well they have been harder work than the kids and Greg he has been working constantly and i kinda feel alone, dealing with everything and I should really get a grip, do the painting myself and get on with it all, then my energy level hits an all time low and boom the day is over. I then feel guilty because i dont seem to be around enough for friends who are having problems and in "normal" circumstances i would be pushing and fighting them to figure out ways of solving their problems, Im starting to panic that im losing "me".
I guess what i need to do is, get some energy together and start doing stuff. I havent even gone "baby shopping", I suppose when i start doing that, things might start feeling real in that aspect and other things might start to fall into place. I just hate being out of sorts with myself, Im not down, im not depressed, more like just indifferent, which is more scarier than being depressed i guess. I need this house doing its a pig sty in more ways than one, just need the motivation, maybe i will start painting in a bit, might make me feel a little better who knows.
Anyways thats enough, everything else seems to be ok, bubs is fine (even after a bump in the car the other day), bump is growing at a fast rate and bubs loves to kick ass *grins*. The boys are ok. so thats an update :) see ya again soon. Im sorry I havent been around for you, my friends, but i do check up on you and think of you all always (and you know who you are). Love ya x x x
current mood: indifferent
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| Thursday, September 11th, 2003
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5:41 pm - update, update, update and probably a good ole moan
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Ok...Bubs is doing absolutely perfectly (try saying that :p). Had my major ultra sound last monday and all was well, nothing out of place and couldnt have been more perfect. Had a follow up clinic appointment on wednesday to reaffirm this and to also dissolve some worries i had. They are going to refer Greg and I to a geneologist (because of gregs marfans syndrome), we are very unclear how this will affect bubs and the percentages, but im sure there will be no problems. By the way..bubs is not like mummy and doesnt open legs to see genitals.....so its going to be a suprise. I was a little dissapointed, but the overwhelming feeling that all was good, made that go away and now its all exciting again, guessing and debating the sex of bubs. But now I can go shopping, because now i believe its time, picked a theme, but i aint got a thing in..not even a vest or a sock...so should be fun..Kat i need to save so we can go shopping ;). thats a date, i order it :P
Looking into moving house again. This is a shit hole and i really cant be arsed to do it up, besides everything i touch breaks, so i think its time to move, not to mention i doubt its suitable for a newborn (thats my excuse). Greg got a job *woohoo* not just any job, a job he wants and does really well and the money is fantastic, things just seems to be going right atm *fingers crossed, touch wood* yada yada. It has also boosted his confidence and such which is always good.
I went to ireland, was really good fun, although i think i over did the thursday night ( i was the only one dancing around the irish pubs and that was me drinking water too!!), so stayed in at the hotel on the friday night, which was really cool..peace and quiet and reading (which i dont do enough of), just as well..because the seacat got cancelled, so we had to hang around for 9 hours (in a pub of course), to catch a ferry three hours away from where the seacat lands and then a three hour coach journey, got home at 3am instead of 5pm the previous evening, but i honestly thik that was the best day of it all, a few got a flight (which most thought i should have done), but there is nothing like an unexpected plan of sitting, chatting, drinking with ppl you have spent time with, but not know, was a great day, although tiring, took me a week to get over *grins*
Adam started senior school..all in his uniform, looked really grown up and i think he actually likes it (hope i aint spoke too soon), he hates school, so we will see, hope it makes him grow up a little too, he can be a bit babyish at times and take tantrums.
Kat came to liverpool a week last tuesday, had a wonderful time, coffee, cake and lots of gossip, took her to see cabin and cavern where the beatles started out and then we had chinese, was a really special day, no wonder it took me a week to recover :P
What else, lots of stuff really, but too much to bore, got my sex drive back in a big way when i got back from ireland, but when away again or I got moody which ever came first ;) but stillw as fun for a cpl days.
I have a really special friend online, he means the world to me (yeah yeah, just as a friend), Ive noticed a certain someone hanging around him, i swear to god one wrong move, hurt or otherwise and there is hell to pay.
anyhows enough of that.....I need more to write about...
love ya
current mood:  bouncy
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| Wednesday, September 10th, 2003
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2:49 pm - just a quick note..update later
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Isnt it funny, how some ppl just take you off their friends list (LJ that is) and dont bother telling you? but they pretend to be friends and ask around when you are not around feining worry, but cant be arsed to ask you themselves? You make me laugh and Im not taking you off my list, cuz I find it a really funny and silly game. You can be so amusing....
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| Sunday, August 24th, 2003
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5:29 pm - Rambling thoughts
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Ya know, I dont know what it is about me, but sometimes my mind seems to wander in many different directions. I can sit there for hours and hours on end and just think about things that matter, but i guess most of the time, things that dont.
Like today for instance, my mind has been wondering over the questions "Who puts choices in our life?" or "what makes us make the choices we make?" or even "why?" Do they actually make a difference? or how many wrong choices do we make before we realise we are going down the wrong path, if ever?
I can go back through my life and look at the choices i have made and wished I had gone the other way, but if I had gone the other way, how different would my life had been? If I hadnt got caught up with the internet so long ago, where would I be now? I certainly wouldnt be sitting here in england, waiting for my ex to petition for a divorce in Denmark, while having another mans baby, which sounds bad in itself, even if i havent been with my ex since november 2000. Admitedly I met both via the internet, both strictly as friends, but those choices have changed my life completely in more ways than one. The plus side of the internet, which seems really weird to me, is that it brought a lot of myself out, my likes, my dislikes, my inhibitions and most importantly of all, the friends I have made, some Ive met and some I havent. But it has also caused a lot of hurt and hardship along the way in my life as well as my boys. So what is it that guides our choices? I am a firm believer in fate and things happen for a reason etc etc and a lot of the choices I have made along the way I can reflect on and say, thats why, that happened, because this happened straight after. Take my first miscarriage, I met the boys dad on the friday, while pregnant (17 weeks), I went to the hospital on the monday to find out i had lost the baby....now if i hadnt lost the baby, would I have sean and adam now? or spent nine years with their dad (although not happily), if i hadnt miscarried my last baby in 96, would I still be in that unhappy relationship?....see its all down to fate and I suppose choices. If the first hadnt happened, then nine years of my life would be different, with no sean and adam....If i hadnt miscarried in 96, I probably wouldnt have been in contact with so many people, never married the man i did and never met the partner im with now and certainly not be pregnant again. See what I mean? I could probably come up with so many different examples, just in my life. You choose a path in life, but when do you know if its not worth it any more? or when do you know that maybe its bad now, but stick with it and things get better? "its a rocky road, but its gets smoother along the way". Do you just let fate guide you? or does it always come down to choices? Some people make the choice of going online, making friends, falling in love and letting it rule their life and never ever coming into contact in the real world, some people play around with peoples life online and causing a lot of distress, that becomes a fall out into real life and some people just use the net as fun. I think I have been involved in all three along the way and seen some really bad results, years back I knew so many "young" people fail their Uni courses because of their online time and online life and my heart used to bleed for them and i do sometimes think back and wonder how they are getting on now...did they make it in the real world? did they resit? If they hadnt got caught up so much with online, would their life prospects be different now?
Ok so i rambled and if ya got this far well done..but im cant help it if my mind works in mysterious ways ;)
love ya :P
current mood: contemplative
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Thursday, August 21st, 2003
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9:27 pm - ok I did my sitcom too
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| Sunday, August 17th, 2003
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9:29 pm - ok..inspiration from my Domme side ;) will this ever end??
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I watch her as she bends to her knees
Her eyes so expectant of desires and needs
I smile as she looks up at me
I try to see what she can see.
Applying the cuffs to her wrist
Kissing her softly, i try to resist
Pulling her hair so her face meets mine
My lips on hers and tongues entwine.
Trailing a finger around her face
cupping my hands I begin to embrace
The lovingness that consumes her
The wanting and taking if I dare.
Spreading her knees to see her treasure
Knowing thats its mine for my pleasure
Trailing a crop to above her thighs
Tickling it softly to enhance her desires.
Letting the crop flow through the air
Her eyes dancing within a stare
Never a movement that she makes
Every blow she seems to take.
As it rains down so much harder
Welts appearing sharper and sharper
A little gasp escapes her lips
A caress from the crops tip.
A smiles emerges on my face
Her face looks up full of grace
Kneeling naked for my sake
Her submission Im willing to take.
current mood: amused
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3:23 pm - I dont know where the insperation came from, but i must be missing my subbie days ;)
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The clossness of your flesh up against mine
The whisper in my ear, that feel good sign
The kneeling, the smiling and the deepest thoughts
The wanting to please that couldnt be taught.
My head held high and my eyes lowered down
My naked body as soft as a gown.
The wanting, the needing, the sense of unknown
My body, my soul and my heart bestowed.
The tickle of sensations across my skin
The moans of delight escape from within
The caress of your fingertips, down my spine
My body is yours and no longer mine.
The darkness of the blindfold encase my eyes
The gag when applied muffle my sighs
My arms tied above my head
My legs spread across your bed.
The mixture of feelings rolling around
All I have now is the echo of sound
The loudness of silence, fill the room
Did i relent far too soon.
The shiver of my body, when coldness hits
The feeling of the icecube, my body fits
I try to toss and turn to no avail
As i helplessly feel the ice cold trail.
I shiver and shake to try to resist
The burning rope around my wrist
As the ice cold melts into my skin
The melting wax starts to begin.
Hot and cold, the torture begins
Whisper of voices rolling within
"Dont resist the pleasure to soon"
My body dances to his tune.
The removal of blind and gag together
The look in his eyes of complete pleasure
His naked body about to take mine
My naked body about to shine.
current mood: amused
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3:20 pm - The sea was always my calling ;) now i know why
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| Wednesday, August 13th, 2003
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7:05 pm - that would be me :)
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| Monday, August 11th, 2003
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8:12 pm - last week in focus ;)
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Wow, its been a long time (yet again). First off I have to thank tyralyn for this gorgeous icon she made, Thank you *smooches and huggles and all that stuff*.
Well i went and met Kat last monday for her bday and it was a gorgeous day, thank you darlin :) We drank coffee, milk and cola as well as having this gorgeous chocolate cake and of course a hot apple pie from MacDs. Only bummer was, the trains decided to go on a go slow cuz of the heat *sheesh* its the 21st century sort it all out!!! so took me longer to get home, but it didnt spoil the day and im gonna go back soon...try stopping me :).
I didnt make beddies party :( which was a real bummer, the tickets cost way too much, but i am gonna meet him one day, he is such hot stuff, how could i never ever get to meet him? Im glad you had lots of fun babe and the turn out didnt dampen your spirits, your very special and deserve all the fun and happiness in the world to come your way :).
I cant believe im 17 weeks today (pg that is), Time just seems to be running along atm and I cant stop it, i have even got the boys uniforms (which is so unlike me, normally last minute job), just gotta get adams blazer and shoes for them both. Adam is going to seniors this year and has told me he isnt going and he isnt wearing shoes!!! (he could wear trainers in juniors), so its gonna be fun, he hates school at the best of times.
My moods around people and online are quite silly, sorta in a good mood and not caring and such, but around Greg im impossible, if i look at him i have to be nasty, nothing he does seems to be right and I really really cant shake it, im not sure if its all hormonal or if its my true feelings coming out, i really cant figure it, constant bickering (mostly on my part), but everything and I mean everything he does just winds me up, I feel guilty and try to bite my tongue and promise my self i will be nice, but boom, next time i see him im at it again, im forever stressed out *shrugs*, but on the other hand my online time has like gone through the roof *shrugs* I just dont know..it will all pan out eventually, good or bad. Maybe I just need sex or something :P
anyways thats about it in my lil life, Im trying to promise myself to stop slacking off this thing and make more entries, we will see ;)
*snuggles* love ya
current mood:  flirty
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, July 29th, 2003
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2:21 pm - My interview with Kat
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Kat sent me five questions and here are my answers :-
1. You have £500 that you arent allowed to spend on "bills" What do you buy yourself?
Lots of new clothes for my ever expanding bump :) (next has a great sale on atm).
2. Black Forest Gateaux or Strawberry Cheesecake?
Black forest of course (now if it had been blackcurrant cheesecake, id have had no idea)
3. You know a girlfriend's man is cheating on her, do you tell her?
If it was definate, I would tell her. If i wasnt sure, i would tell him I know.
4. What would you want your last meal to be?
Something really fatty, full of sauce, something like carbonara
5. Name 5 people that you couldnt live without.
My two boys of course, sean and adam
Greg
Debbie (who is a very good friend and always there for me)
My mum :)
and of course all my friends online who keep me here (I know thats more than five, but
I cant leave them out) I love you guys.
THE RULES!
1 -- Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2 -- I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
3 -- You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers.
4 -- You'll include this explanation.
5 -- You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.
There ya go :)
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| Monday, July 28th, 2003
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8:43 pm - I actually got dressed today!!!!
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Wow, ive been a busy lil bee today, actually did stuff. I got my tickets to go visit kat on Monday, so its gonna be 6 hours of girlie stuff, so im kinda excited.
I finally sent tina something that i have been promising for weeks, i keep forgetting stuff and she just never reminds me, even though i tell her too!!! so thats all posted off.
Got some things I had to do in town sorted out and waited in queues for what seemed like forever and ever.
Posted a private entry, which made me feel really good, its good to get things off your chest and be honest about things.
I actually finally got to talk to that dumb bastard of a hubby of mine about the divorce, he reckons he sent me papers and shit, and then he said he thought i had the papers and they only do them in danish, told him to send me papers and email the english version so i know what im writing. we havent been together since novemeber 2000 and legally seperated since april 2002. danish law says 6 months of separation and you can get a divorce!!! If this doesnt work, looks like im gonna have to go to copenhagen and sort it myself :( which i dont want to do, cept to use it as a reason to see tina and peter..which would be cool, but these things cost money.
Oh and i got an appointment through for the hospital, my 20 week detail scan (also huge chance of finding out what baby is ;)), thats for the 8th of september, thats when the pics will look like a baby and not ET *giggles*, I have at least 6 scan pics to order, hope the prices are not too steep ;) cost me fortune. I have to slap myself when i see little baby things, I have promised myself Im not going to go overboard and not start shopping until im at least half way through and if the past weeks are anything to go by, its going to be here pretty damn quick, i have no clue where the time has gone this year at all.
I think thats it....
Life is about living, making choices and being happy, dont do one that compromises the other two, otherwise life is never ever the same :)
jane x x x
current mood: content
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| Sunday, July 27th, 2003
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6:23 pm - wow almost a month..novel coming up!!
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I cant believe its been so long, time flies and I guess hardly having access what with one thing and another sort of stops you from doing entries and such, so, from what i can gather, i have lots of catching up to do.
Im still pregnant *dances* I had my hospital appointment last thursday and they scanned me and the beanie is like a baby (suprise suprise), heartbeat was really strong and they put my due date as the 19/01/04, so a few days earlier than anticipated, which is cool. I even got my bloods taken and after a fuss (needles being my worse nightmare), i let the midwife do it and i didnt faint or be sick or anything *looks all proud of her self*. So now im over my final hurdle, no more stresses of times gone by, I know things are going to be ok. The tiredness seems to be leaving, although 40 winks for an hour now an again is needed, but at least it doesnt seem to be a 24 hour thing any more *boogies*, so all is good in that department.
What else. My pc seems to be very sick all the time and we have four pcs in this house and couldnt get one to access the net, so now i have hard drives and pc towers everywhere, but at least i got one going now *fingers crossed* Im hoping this has a longer life span and my access doesnt dwindle yet again.
Daisy asked to be released, so i released her, she seems to think im hurt and such, but im not, im actually relieved. She needs a lot of attention and if im not around for what ever reason, she has difficulty accepting it. Even when i am around for her it wasnt enough, but, on the other hand I know she has some one else, so im actually pleased for her and i hope it works out. I know she reads LJ, and i dont mean to say anything that may hurt her, but she needs to understand, that she hasnt hurt me and although she means a lot to me, doesnt mean im hurt or hurting or anything, im totally fine, with no regrets. A part of what was discussed before i placed the collar was to say when either of us were not happy etc etc, but she also knew that i may not be around for what ever reason. My philosophy in life and what i stand by, is "why stay with someone or do something if it doesnt make you happy?" I live by that and always will. So she made the right decision and i respect her for it, therefore no hurt is involved, on my side.
Ive decided to go and visit Kat for her bday *woohoo*, im terrible for snap decisions, but there ya go, I need a day out *wiggles* so where better to go. Im going to get the tickets tomorrow from the train station, cuz the damn company on the net dont take my card *boohoo*.
Im sure there is lots more i should be saying and telling you, but im fucked if i can remember, but i will try and update this far more regularly, seeing as my tiredness and access is on hold, infact im probably gonna be online way too much, I can see it now. I gotta find something to do, I know I need this house sorted before beanie arrives, but its such project and i deflate when i think of it...Oh well thats life
love ya all lots
jane x x x
current mood: cheerful
current music: Kats bday mix ;)
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| Tuesday, July 1st, 2003
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5:36 pm - its been way too long!!!!
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Its the 1st of july!!!! I normally hate this day..cuz i know im getting old and 34 is like a nightmare to me. There is no way in hell i would have thought at 34 i would be pregnant, goes so against the grain. I would be so happy thinking by the time im forty my kids would have up and gone and I would be free to do as i please...now at forty im gonna be going to the school picking up beanie and taking beanie...its funny how life pans out.
I have had the week of hell..pure hell and it still isnt over, I cant even see and end to it. I have had no hot water since thursday, the thermostat was way to high, so i got the repair guys to lower it and guess what, it blew the whole thing, im still waiting on a replacement. My drains blocked yet again, so they decide to dig the yard up and get to the root of the problem, drains are good, but the constant rain has meant my yard is still dug up and to make things worse, everytime i had a bath (or anyone had a bath), when the plug was taken out, i would get drips coming out of my kitchen ceiling, they fixed it...guess what its ten times worse, apparently i need a new bath etc etc and im still waiting. They were suppose to come fix the hot water today and they had "transport problems" what can i say? Im living in the house from hell atm.
Im still having huge hormonal probs...im either really sensitive and cry at everything sad or not or i am a monster with ten heads and i bark at anyone that comes near me, there is no medium, im never nice and poor greg is about to put his head in the oven i think, he so cant deal with it...men i tell ya, total pains in the ass :p.
Im starting to get really weird pains in my side where my appendix scar is, sorta when i roll over of a night i can experience a sharp pain then it hurts while im tossing and turning, i then have a dull dragging pain the rest of the day, sorta like pulling a muscle..really strange and bleeding is still there, apparently you can get it til 12 weeks...so hopefully will fade over the next week or so.
Im so dittzy i didnt get around to sending tina anything for her bday, but i saw her and told her that i will send her something special soon, hopefully she understands, she is so good to me and i would hate for her to think im not thinking of her.
Ok im gonna scoot. Hope all is well with you guys (who read this ;))
love you all
jane x x x
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